


The sun comes and goes, but Joseph Root is here to stay.

by j_obsessed



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: And really sad, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise, I fucking hate the way people treat the players, It is quite descriptive, Jos Buttler is Amazing, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, So please be safe, i'm angry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25732513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_obsessed/pseuds/j_obsessed
Summary: Jos Buttler deserves better, and I will protect him til the day I die.It's 4am and I'm upset, anxious, and quite broken inside. Enjoy.
Relationships: Dom Bess/Sam Curran, Eoin Morgan/Ben Stokes/Mark Wood, Joe Root & Ben Stokes, Jos Buttler & Dom Bess, Jos Buttler & Jimmy Anderson, Jos Buttler/Joe Root, mentions of
Comments: 66
Kudos: 18





	The sun comes and goes, but Joseph Root is here to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> The tags say it all  
> But in case the message was unclear.  
> Players are not machines. They're human. They drop catches, they miss stumpings, they lose their confidence and their form. Shut up and mind your business. 
> 
> There are some not so nice descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks, so please be safe, but there is a happy ending, because I could not leave Jos like that. Anxiety is a massive struggle, and I know what it's like. 
> 
> Today's innings hurt to watch, yes, but moreso because I know the way the media is going to treat Jos, and I am angry about it.

“Joey-”

“Don’t Jos.”

“But I just-”

“You dropped the catch Jos. Whatever.”

“I know Joey I-”

“I don’t really know what you’re talking to me for?”

“What- I just thought that I’d-”

“There’s nothing I can do about it, Azam should be out, and he’s not. That's on you.”

“I am disappointed in myself but I tried my-”

Jos flicks his eyes down to the floor and breathes out softly. Stuart hurriedly taps at Jimmy’s shoulder. The fast bowler is not exactly having a good time himself, but Jos is going to need him. He’s only proved correct when the next unusually lashing and scathing comment falls from Joe’s lips.

“That was your best? Maybe we should’ve kept Kieswetter then.”

Jos blinks in shock, swallowing audibly, _and visibly,_ turning his face and immediately walking off into the changerooms. Joe rolls his eyes, and looks up at the ceiling, heaving out a sigh, before walking out onto the balcony to talk to the coach.

Ben gives Joe’s back a softly disapproving look, before attempting to chase after their wicketkeeper. Because leaving Jos alone right now, is really not a good idea. Not at all. Jimmy puts a hand at the taller ginger’s chest, and gestures with his head toward Joe.

“I’m not equipped to have that conversation. But I can handle the other one.”

Ben nods, and turns back towards their currently very stressed test captain, as Jimmy bolts down the corridor.

\--

Jos has never in his life been more thankful for Manchester’s horrendous weather. In all honesty, he’s never really minded it, but today it is his saving grace. He hurriedly slams the door of the room shut, and slides down against it, letting his head hit the back of it- probably a little too hard, but he’s in no shape to berate himself for that, not when he’s already doing it for his shit work in the field. The rain sounds nice pattering against the roof tiles. Jos wonders briefly what it would feel like lashing down on his skin. 

The drop hurts, yes, it hurts bad. Because while poor form is one thing, dropping a catch- off Bessie too, is downright painful. It wasn’t the easiest catch, no, but he’s been putting his body on the line to keep wicket for as long as he can remember. It’s something he loves doing. This game alone, he’s landed at Joe’s feet twice, gone full stretch a fair few times, and done his fair share of somersaults too.

The delivery blindsided him, and he dropped it. The disappointment of a dropped catch will never not sting, but Joe is always there to talk him through it. What hurts more than anything, and what _always_ hurts more than anything, is disappointing Joe. The sunshine of his life and the test captain that England has always needed, the softest most encouraging and most brilliant batsman he’s seen in his life, and his panacea, ataraxia, and everything in between.

And Joe was upset.

He caused that. 

Jos chokes back a sob and bites his tongue harshly. He can feel the onset of panic, the way it fights it’s way from his gut, up his sternum, breaking through his chest and strangling around his throat. He tries to take in gasps of air, digging his nails into his palm to stop his hands from shaking.

It doesn’t work, so instead, he squeezes his hand around the muscle of his thigh, nails jabbing marks into his whites. The door behind him shakes with urgency, and a markedly Lancashire voice can be heard through the door. Seemingly calm as ever, yes, if you’re anybody but Jos Buttler or Alastair Cook- who simply know better. Because there’s an edge to it, a sort of worry that Jimmy only ever has for his family, when he knows they’re hurting and when he knows that it’s bad. Jos can’t bring himself to answer, or even move. He knows that if he stirs, he’s going to hit the ground and pass out, because the only thing holding him up right now, is this door.

“Jos, shuffle over from the door, just enough so I can get in." There's a moment, and then _"Jos please.”_

The keeper does his best, pushing himself over to the left side of the door, heaving a sigh when he eventually gets far enough to stop obstructing it. Jimmy pushes it open immediately, almost violently, and crouches by his side.

 _“Oh my god._ What have you done to yourself Jos? It’s one dropped catch. That’s all. Look at me. You’re okay. It's okay.”

He gets no response and the keeper is looking more and more distraught by the second.

“Jos!”

The blonde slumps against Jimmy’s shoulder, and now the fast bowler is considerably worried. “I disappointed Joey- h-he said he’d prefer Craig-” is all the wicketkeeper chokes out, before collapsing into Jimmy’s chest.

James brushes hair back from Jos’ forehead, getting him into a comfortable position where his airways aren’t so constricted. He calls out for one of the lads, and at this point, he’s seriously hoping it isn’t Joe- because as much as he loves the younger blonde, _what the fuck._ Seconds later, Dom Bess has burst into the room and he too almost passes out at the sight of their wicketkeeper utterly broken in their most experienced fast bowler’s arms.

_“Jossy-”_

Jos gives the young spinner a weak smile. “Hi, Bessie. I’m so sorry about the catch, I’ll do better next time, I promise. Assuming they keep me on, of course-”

“Shut up Jossy. They’re keeping you. I’m sorry I was so frustrated. I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier. You’re bound to drop some, you can’t catch everything, as amazing as you are.” Dom hurriedly sinks down beside the blonde keeper and touches their heads together. “Love you Jossy.”

“Love you too Bessie. I’m so sorry.”

Jimmy coughs out a laugh, which is a little choked. “Shut up Joseph.”

The keeper nods weakly, with a tinge of a smile, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Yes, dad.”

Dom laughs, and closes his eyes as well, nudging his hand against Jos’ softly in a show of support.

\--

Ben waits until Joe has closed his conversation with Chris Silverwood outside on the balcony, before taking his elbow and yanking him back inside. “Joseph Root!? What the fuck was the meaning of that?!”

“I’m sorry? Eh?”

“Joe…”

“What? Why is everyone looking at me like that?”

Dom Bess himself looks a little uncomfortable. “It was a tough catch Joey,” is all he says, before following Jimmy down the hallway, calling out for Jos.

“Fuck. _Fuck._ What did I say?”

“What did you- Joe!? He came to you for support! He feels like he let you down and-”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit-”

“I can’t believe you brought up _Kieswetter._ Joe, you know that was a low low blow.”

“I didn’t-”

“Yes, Joe. You did. Listen to yourself. He dropped one catch. As a matter of fact, I don't care how many he drops, that was not okay.” Broady sounds cold. In some sort of disbelief.

“Oh my god, what have I-” Ben crushes him into a hug immediately, and not for the first time this series, Joe wishes that Ali was here- because he's scared. “Benny, I didn’t mean to do that, I didn’t. I’d never- I couldn’t ever tell him that and mean it. Benny what do I do oh my god _I hurt him.”_

Ben sighs and doesn’t say a word. He knows, that when this happens to Mark or Eoin, he needs to just hold them a little tighter, and let them voice all their concerns before they exhaust their worries.

“He’s one of the best keepers we’ve ever had, him and Bairstow both. They can’t be expected to be superhumans. Oh my god, _Benny, he’s been throwing himself over my feet all day,_ he’s done so well, even Nasser said that it’s a shit pitch to keep on and the ball’s been wobbling and he’s done so well and I just told him that I’d rather have the fucking asshole that cheated on him as my keeper and oh my god I’m the worst boyfriend in the-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Everything in the changeroom falls silent. Not everyone. No. _Everything._ The bubbling water in the kettle stops, and the coffee machine pauses, the fridge’s generator quits kickstarting, and the frantic tapping of Ollie’s fingers against the table ceases.

_“Jos-”_

The keeper is currently being held up by Bessie and Jimmy, a tanned arm hooked around each boy’s shoulder, looking very weak and very exhausted, completely and utterly wrecked.

“You’re not a bad boyfriend. You never are. I disappointed you. I’m sorry Joey. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh Christ no, _no, please stop that.”_ Before Ben can even react, Joe has thrown himself at the wicketkeeper, nearly knocking him from the support of Bessie and Jimmy. Jos opens his mouth to speak but- “Stop stop stop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, I could never mean that. I’m so sorry Jos, I’ve never doubted your abilities, I have always believed in you, I didn’t-” Joe’s voice breaks and he buries himself against his boyfriend. “I love you. I still believe in you. You’re not a machine Jossy. I’m sorry for treating you like one.”

Something very obviously releases in Jos’ chest, because Jimmy and Bessie both relinquish their death grip on him.

Jimmy drops against Stu’s side, the fast bowlers sharing a relieved sigh. The blonde hands his phone to Jimmy, open on Ali’s WhatsApp contact, showing an array of messages from their ex-test-captain. Jimmy rests his head on Stu's shoulder. 

Bessie heads over to drop down beside his boyfriend, who’s curled up with a book in his lap, ready to provide cuddles, hugs, or tea if need be. He kisses Sam’s forehead and tucks the younger against him tightly.

“I love you too Joey.”

“Is that all you heard?”

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

Joe drops his forehead into Jos’ chest. “I’m so sorry sunshine.”

“That’s my line. You’re my sunshine.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you that today.”

“You give it to me all the time. Thank you for believing in me.”

“Always. Even if I say otherwise. I always believe in you. And Jossy?”

“Yeah, sunshine?”

“Kieswetter is the worst keeper I’ve ever seen in my life. And he’s a shit person. And I hate him for what he did to you. I hate him for a lot, but especially for what he did to you. If I ever bring his name up again, it’ll be to cuss him out. Because I hate him. He doesn’t compare to you. Ever. Never could.”

Ben whoops from somewhere nearby, probably with Mark, and that’s confirmed when a football is launched at Jimmy from that general direction. Soon enough they’re trying to set the Guinness world record for most headers before landing a goal into a bin.

\--

Returning to the field isn’t any better. Everything feels wrong and Jos’ heart is going a mile a minute against his chest. The missed stumping is bad. The ball spits off the pitch and jams into his shoulder and it _hurts._

Bessie and Joe both notice it. _And Joe feels it in his chest._ The way Jos winces, groans in frustration and then kicks at the ground, trying to keep back tears. As inconspicuously as possible, Joe gives him a slight caress on the shoulder, and Bessie walks with him to the other side of the wicket, talking to him and explaining his plans for bowling so he’s more prepared, giving him a determined nod.

It still feels like something has slithered around his heart, contorted around his trachea. Something inside his chest, something that doesn’t feel quite right. But Manchester seems to be on his side today, because they’re pulled off the field due to bad light. Jos keeps his head down and powers off the ground. The moment Joe realises that his boyfriend isn’t nearby, waiting for him, he hurries through his conversation with the umpires, eyes concerned but firm and ushering. He powerwalks off the field as unobtrusively as he can, running up the stairs and slipping his hand against Jos’.

He doesn’t need to say anything, because Jos always bounces back. But Joe does press their foreheads together once they’re in the safety of the changeroom, promising Jos that tomorrow will be better, and the sun will be shining.

Because even though the real sun has to take some time off, Jos’ sun (Joseph Root) won’t be going away anytime soon. Whether there’s a dropped catch, or a century. He’s there to stay.


End file.
